Among the many hats I wear, one of the most fulfilling is that of a coach and mentor.
Some might say I should charge for it, and perhaps they’re right, but in many ways, it
feels like the ultimate form of service, almost divine work. Coaching is a powerful word,
and mentoring stands right beside it. Coaches are those who understand the art of
whatever they coach. So, when you consider life coaching, claiming mastery over the
art of life itself seems almost arrogant. It’s a tremendous responsibility, not to be taken
lightly. And if you’re doing it without having your coaches, your capabilities are
inherently limited.
But today, this is about something other than coaching in the traditional sense. It’s
about what I’ve found myself helping with more frequently—navigating people through
their lives and careers. In doing so, I often encounter a common adversary: other
humans. These are individuals in people’s lives who range from full-blown narcissists to
those who are just toxic or struggling with their issues.
These toxic individuals share some defining traits: they find fault in everything but take
no responsibility. They are masters of deflection and gaslighting and are notably
unsupportive when support is needed the most. They have a unique talent for
promoting themselves based on the hard work of others.
I probably wouldn’t be writing about this if it weren’t so prevalent. I often consult my
coaches and respected peers, asking if they notice the same patterns and the answer is
always a resounding YES! This brings us to a critical question: how do we build leaders?
How do we nurture good humans? And crucially, how do we prevent promoting those
who fail to demonstrate these essential qualities?
Here’s some important news: if you’re someone’s boss, you significantly impact their
lives 24/7. This isn’t a game—it’s not some episode of “Game of Thrones” or a video
game. We’re dealing with real people and real lives. Your interactions with them can
have such a damaging impact that it could lead to serious health issues or worse. You
might dismiss these individuals as weak, but the truth is, your actions could be the
cause.
I hope everyone reading this agrees and isn’t guilty of these behaviors. If you’re not,
use my words to help those who need to hear them. If you are guilty, either improve or
step aside. Don’t ruin lives with thoughtless, selfish actions.
Leaders should be brave, accountable, human, graceful, tempered in their approaches,
and thoughtful—not self-promoting and selfish.
My message is simple:
1. If you have a toxic leader, don’t internalize their negativity.
2. Seek out someone who helps you grow.
3. Find a new leader if necessary.
It may seem harsh, but do it. Please share this message with anyone who needs it
because there are real consequences to poor leadership, which are avoidable.
If you’re struggling and need a coach, give me a call. I don’t have all the answers, but I
can certainly help. If you need to get better, find a coach for that, too. Always strive to
move forward.